Well today marks 2 months that I’ve been home and it has been a pretty wild ride. I’ve prayed a lot about what to blog, considering I haven’t blocked since right before I left. Its hard to sum up what 2 months in a place that was so unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. To sum up every lesson, or even process in general, will take me the rest of my life.
To be honest I’m going through a lot of different feelings right now. Culture shock wasn’t a fear of mine because I have always adjusted and adapted to life and all its changes. But I can say that this time is different.
So I believe what is next for me is bigger then what I can explain. But I will start at the beginning. Story’s of provision and Gods faithfulness. The beginning of the end of my life as I knew it and where I’m headed.
Many ask me about Africa, and how it was and I myself haven’t really processed it. So I’m hoping by blogging again it will help me as I go about my work weeks and still try to understand what really took place. I feel like a different person in a familiar surrounding and not sure how I fit here anymore. So please bare with me.
I will share this one thing which I feel will set the tone to the next few months of blogs.
In Africa, having only 5 pairs of clothes, 2 pairs of shoes, no washer machine, and many other western comforts. I learned what I can live without.
A huge variety of food, warm showers, running water, electricity, etc are all very great. But to me I see it now as all very false comfort. Being guaranteed of all these things made me complacent and numb. Numb to feeling my true feelings of sadness, anger, resentment, and being extremely ungrateful. Amongst many other things I can confess, I will stop there ahah. Having so many plan B’s in my life really removed me from the idea that I needed anything or anyone. I in a sense became my own savior and to stay a float I was the solution and soul provider in my own life. Of course I loved Jesus and trusted that God would provide, but that looks different here in the western world. God ultimately became my plan B and safety net just in case I somehow failed myself. Which is hilarious to say just in case, since more times then not I failed. And when God would come through and provide I was so caught up in my own pride I somehow chopped that up to how well I planned ahead and how responsible I was. I couldn’t even recognize it was Gods goodness and provision in my time of need because I was so fixed on keeping “myself” afloat in a life “I” had made.
In Africa I learned what I could live without. Removing the western comforts left me with just me. And let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. lol But out of all the learning of what I can live without, I learned what I cannot live without. And that is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The best Father any girl can ask for and my first and forever Love. Of course theres a lot to what brought me to that conclusion but I thought I would start off with that as my intro to the next few blogs. But I will stop here for now with this prayer for you.
May you begin to let God search the false comforts in your own life and let the loving Father begin remove them. May you trust God in the process, in the midst of the hurt and pain. May God replace each idol you have built up in your life and take His rightful place on the Throne of your heart. And may this be the beginning of the sweet undoing of the “I” that you know, and replace “you” with the “I am” in whom all life flows.