I Am. You Know Me.

“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.”
― Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging

Growing up a lot of people always commented on my boldness, my constant concern of injustice. Sometimes mistaking my concern for what really was my passion. As long as I can remember I always had a strong passion for people and justice for everyone. Regardless of what religion told me was right or wrong I felt as though my Gods voice spoke louder to me then those who stood behind a pulpit. A wild heart and free mind I had no boundaries on who God was and what He was capable of. From that I believe really fanned the flame of God confidence that looked like my own self confidence in me.

I grew up seeing God doing wild and what seemed impossible things all my life and mostly through my family. Watching God heal my parents broken marriage, to comforting the deep hurt and loss of my brother passing. Facing the almost loss of my mom shortly after my brother but healing her and performing a great miracle. To have experienced lots of loss of loved ones in my family. I seen the goodness and faithfulness of God through my life and His never-ending redeeming love through my all life circumstances.

I grew up with an amazing awareness of who I was that seemed to far exceed my own mind and convictions. Most admired my outgoing ways, individuality and boldness to speak my mind. And many questioned how I can still smile and speak so confidently after losing and suffering so much. It’s a question to this day often asked and I can’t take any credit other than its God.

The question came to me the other day from my husband and little sister Becky while we were sharing things that sometimes come up in our own personal faith . He asked, “how do you remain so confident? How can you be so sure? At least that’s what we see of you.”They both stared at me with this questioning look like I held all Gods secrets within my small simple mind. It struck me that maybe I was crazy, or abnormal. Wasn’t this what everyone had? For the first time in forever it was brought up so openly and I had no answer for it other than God. All I could respond with was its okay to feel like they do sometimes. It’s okay to question God and have times of feeling helpless. If we didn’t why would we need a Savior? If we were immune to things and feelings then we could have just fixed ourselves and wouldn’t have needed a Savior. Because we lacked and couldn’t save ourselves from death and things that bring death Christ came and took care of it all. Not just some things or the big things like sin and death. But ALL things even what we perceive as small, like doubt, confusion, fear, anxiety, etc. There isn’t one thing He missed or saved for later but all was taken care of and all is available to us now. So when we dwell on or start believing the things that were already finished through Christ we then give them life and control over us.

Belief is a powerful thing to have and carry. “They then said, What are we to do, that we may (habitually) be working the works of God? (what are we to do to carry out what God requires?) Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent(that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger). John 5:28+29 AMP When approached with the same question of how all He responded with was believe. Simple yet powerful enough to save and change the whole world.

The other day driving home from work I began to question God. I know most would frown upon this but I have never ceased to question God on why, or how. I asked God why even in the most desperate moments, my doubt, my frustration, my anger, my misunderstanding, I forever had this crazy faith that all was gonna be okay. His response in the same boldness I have known time and again was “You Knew Me, You Know Me”. He repeated this while I kept at the list of times I felt I wasn’t confident He just kept repeating “You Knew Me, You know Me.” Startled at that answer I began to cry, I realized that even as a child He revealed Himself to me in the quietest moments in the midst of the craziest storm. He has revealed His character and like a long time friend I knew His character and it was unlike Him to ever leave me or forsake me. And my confidence wasn’t my own but the very character of the I AM.

So I encourage all who struggle with self-doubt, frustration, confusion, fear, etc. Know the I Am, become the I Know and believe. Its powerful, its sufficient and will radically crush all false realities you have in your life or situation. Christ did it all and all you must DO is BELIEVE.

“The Christ within who is our hope of glory is not a matter of theological debate or philosophical speculation. He is not a hobby, a part-time project, a good theme for a book, or a last resort when all human effort fails. He is our life, the most real fact about us. He is the power and wisdom of God dwelling within us.”
― Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging

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